Yesterday we had stake conference, and it was wonderful as it always is. Bria woke up with a horrible kink in her neck, and it was really interesting convincing her to get in the car and go, so naturally we were late. I had a hard time listening because we were in the Primary room watching it on a small television with loud kids all around us. Bria refused to sit up and seriously put my legs to sleep because she laid on my lap the entire 2 hours. Yet, somehow, I managed to glean a little something to take home with me and hopefully use to improve myself.
A couple of the things that were said made me start thinking about my life the last few months. Here I was, Relief Society President, plugging along, feeling like I'd finally figured out how to balance my life, then Bishop told me that I was to be released in August. This wasn't really a surprise necessarily--we'd talked about it because Joel and I have been trying to get pregnant and my pregnancies are no picnic in the park and I knew there was no way I could serve as RS President then. But I wasn't pregnant in August, and although one of my counselors needed to be released, I didn't feel I needed to. (Not that I wasn't thankful for the break...don't get me wrong there!) So many people asked me if I was pregnant or if I was moving or just plain, "why did you get released?" that I started to feel weird about the whole situation....kind of embarrassed, like I'd somehow shirked my duty or something. I honestly wasn't sure why Bishop decided on August, but I trusted him and that was fine with me.
So anyway, now it's been a little more than two months since my release, and I was thinking yesterday how much my life has changed. And how much Joel's schedule suddenly changed this semester. He is completely slammed with school responisibilites and is basically never home. He is conducting Sinfonietta, choir, and the opera, he is taking a difficult course load, trying to work on his dissertation and also working in his assistantship. He is constantly running, and opera rehearsal keeps him most nights until 11:00 pm. He is even gone to rehearsals and concerts most Sundays now, which is something he has managed to avoid until this semester. The madness probably won't really stop until he graduates, although it will (hopefully) let up for next semester.
So, does anyone out there honestly think I could have been Relief Society President, and a wife and mother (especially since Bria started Kindergarten) with this crazy schedule of his? I realized yesterday that there is absolutely no way...our family would have fallen apart. I am basically a single mom lately. Joel did so much to support me in my duties as RS President...he was always here to take the kids when I needed to go to meetings or out on visits, he was understanding when I had to leave to do food orders or help in a crisis, he was supportive of all of the paperwork I had to keep track of on the computer, and even bought us a new one to make it easier on me, he was always there to lend a listening ear as I incessantly talked about Relief Society problems and solutions. There is no way I could have done it without him around.
Which brings me to my point. Heavenly Father knows everything...he knows exactly what we need, even if we don't. He knew August was when I needed to be released, even if I didn't know it yet. I think He was happy with the work that I had done and the growth that I experienced as a person and He knew it was time for me to be allowed to focus on my children and husband because they would need me more than ever at this point.
I am so thankful to realize that. I always know it, I just don't always realize it. And it happens a lot....we don't always know why certain things happen to us, or why we are impressed to make particular decisions, or just why we are where we are. But you can bet, if we are trying to live the commandments and do what's right, after a period of time passes, we will be able to look back and understand His reasons. His ways are not our ways, and hindsight is always 20/20.