Anxiety | Overstuffed Overstuffed

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Anxiety

I think my whole life this past few weeks has been one anxiety attack after another. It has now been almost two weeks since Joel interviewed with "the University," and we have heard nothing back. He's even sent a couple emails to some search committee members and they have not responded.

So, okay, we're pretty sure this means he didn't get the job. Fine. Just tell us already, so we can get on with our lives! The thing about not hearing anything, is you still have that small glimmer of hope left. Maybe they really haven't come to a decision yet, even though that seems ludicrous. Maybe the first person to whom they offered the job will decide to turn it down for one reason or another. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I know, you can only control what you can control, and that thought is comforting to a point. Joel went out there, auditioned and interviewed, and did his best. He was very well prepared and now it is in the hands of the search committee. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier for me (us) to be sitting here in the dark not knowing what the heck is going on. It has been interesting though, because whenever I've been incredibly anxious and start freaking out a little (a lot) about what the future holds for our family, Joel seems to be really calm. Then I calm down, and he takes his turn panicking.

Anyway, if we don't find out something soon, I may just have to go find someone who reads palms or has a crystal ball or something. This has been a huge test of our faith, and continues to be so. I have reached my breaking point, though. I don't know how much longer I can walk by faith and not by sight.

16 comments :

  1. I know what you mean about the waiting being so hard. Just remember that if he doesn't get the job it is because something bigger and better is coming your way. Good luck.

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  2. hey lara! thanks for your sweet comments on my blog! we'll be in utah 6/25-7/8 and we'll be in bear lake, park city, and springville/spanish fork. are you going to be in cedar?

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  3. I feel your anxiety and I'm sorry you're going through it. Jon and I do the same thing- switching off freaking out/being calm. I think it's one of the signs of a good match- someone has to keep the level head.
    Hang in there Lara.

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  4. Things will work out. They will.

    Love you-

    Annie

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  5. It's unfortunately typical in academic life...my husband applied for 100's of jobs last year and never heard back from at least a third. In addition, I had a friend who made the final 2 in a choral job last spring at a pretty major university who never heard a thing.
    Good luck!

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  6. We don't mind not hearing back from most of the jobs he applies for, but when it's down to 3 candidates and they pay to have you come to campus, etc. it seems awfully strange to just not say anything. I'm sure we'll get the token letter in the mail in a few weeks.

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  7. Hang in there, Love. I am still rooting for you.

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  8. I sure hate waiting. Mike has had to wait so many times for promotions and it is awful. Just keep the faith and keep smiling.

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  9. I really sympathize with the not knowing, Lara. That really is the worst. We are still crossing our fingers, but know that if it's not right, something else is. Soon...Right?

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  10. I can empathize with you. Not knowing what will happen is stressful. When Jeremy got his new job I thought I would be jumping for joy, but it has been more like recovery mode. My stomach still doesn't feel normal. I really hope you all hear either way really soon!

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  11. UGH, that SUCKS! Sorry for the waiting game :(

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  12. You can do this! The waiting, the wondering, the possible disappointment and the good stress of success--you can handle it all. We're not given anything we can't handle without the Lord's help--just very darn close sometimes. :) You are absolutely capable!

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  13. Oh, man, I hear you. Not only is that anxiety just about the worst feeling ever, but it just makes you want to scream, "Hey! What about some common courtesy, people!!" Although I've definitely been in the situation where I've waited and waited and waited, and just when I wrote the experience off I got a call saying I'd been accepted. So you never know. Don't give up hope, and just know that whatever happens, you'll adapt. Just like you always have!

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  14. I hope your anxiety is lessened soon. (I know what you mean - letting you know either way is better than not knowing at all.) You never know - maybe he will get the job. My husband was recently offered a job over 1 month after he initially interviewed so maybe there is still a chance.

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  15. You're a survivor! You can do it!

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  16. It's the worst to be in limbo like that. I know everybody says that the Lord is in control (and I believe that although it's sometimes annoying when other people tell you that and they're not waiting...) but it's still difficult to try to be patient and move on with your life when you just NEED TO KNOW!! I can relate... I feel that way about our house selling: I'm pretty sure everything will work out eventually, but dangit can't I just know right now?

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