I was reading a magazine article the other day entitled "Top 5 Mom Myths," and I have to say, it really did make me feel like a better mother. Normally, I'm constantly beating myself up over every little thing I do wrong. It was nice to see an article in a national magazine addressing the issues I am continually freaking out about. Obviously, it means I'm not alone.
So, do you want to know what those top 5 myths of motherhood are? I will tell you, and I will add commentary from my own experience, too (aren't you lucky!).
A good mom likes her children all the time.
I always feel extremely guilty when I have hard/bad/negative feelings towards one of my children. Just the other day I was pretty frustrated at Chloe for refusing to mind me when I asked her to do the simple task of shutting the front door, and I was having major guilt because of the way I was feeling towards her. The key word here is like. I will always love my kids, no question. I just will not like them every moment of every day.
And that is normal. And it is okay. As long as you don't take the dislike out on your kids in harmful ways, that is. The feelings themselves are normal.
A good mom bonds with her children immediately.
I have experienced different levels of bonding with all three of my children. With one of them, there was an immediate bond, another came fairly quickly, and the other took some time. It doesn't make the first one my favorite child or anything. There are lots of circumstances that can cause these differences. I can say now that I am bonded with each of my children...but in different ways. They are each different, I shouldn't expect my experiences with each child to be exactly the same.
A good mom balances it all.
Ummmm....if you're reading my blog, you're pretty much perfectly aware of my inability to keep perfect balance in my life. Not to mention that I try to do way too much and often fail miserably.
A good mom spends a lot of time with her kids--and they like her because of it.
Do you ever feel sad because your kids don't want to spend time with you? I do. I have some grand idea (mythical, apparently) that my kids should love being with me every second, and I should plan wonderful activities and fun things for us to do. Well, guess what? They like that stuff to an extent, but they get sick of me, too. It's good to have time apart. And it's okay if your kids need time away from you, too.
A good mom belongs to one big, supportive Moms Club.
I didn't get this one at first, but basically, the article tells us that we all make different parenting decisions. And sometimes other moms are openly not supportive of your choices. I have experienced this in a very tame way...just lively conversation about dietary choices or vaccinations or whether or not to home school or sleep training methods (if you must know, I co-sleep with my kids for a while, and then I do cry it out when they're around 10 months old) . I think it's good to be passionate about your own choices, but make sure that you don't put blinders on and refuse to consider that another person and their different choice is probably just fine, too.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this article (it's in the October edition of Woman's Day, which I bought because the cover promised to give me 21 shortcuts to a clean house, a way to instantly lose ten pounds and tips on saving thousands of dollars. Oh, and there were some cute Halloween crafts to do. That's the real reason I bought it). It really did make me feel better about my mothering skills, even though I will still be spending the rest of my life agonizing over whether or not I'm good enough.