About two weeks ago, I was having a really bad day. Not the kind where everything goes wrong (I had one of those, too), but the kind where you just feel rotten. To be honest, I was feeling rather sorry for myself. Feeling like nobody cared about me. Feeling like I wasn't good enough at anything I try to do. Feeling overwhelmed with all of the things I was trying to do. Feeling on the verge of tears nearly all day. Finally, those tears got the better of me and came pouring out along with a torrent of insecurities.
I don't often have days like this, and so my husband and my children don't usually know what to do with me when I do. Now that I look back on the day, I do realize how ridiculous I was being, and I appreciate even more the way my family handled it.
All three of my girls tiptoed into my bedroom where I was wallowing in self-pity and salt water. The two older ones brought me notes and pictures about what a wonderful mommy I am, and tenderly tried to find out just what exactly was wrong with me. Sophia, just came and laid down next to me and kept asking, "Wa happe mommy?" She slathered me with her adorable kisses and gave me lots and lots of hugs and pats on the back. Bria and Chloe also went into their room and began to sing hymns and primary songs. This is not something they normally do, and when asked why, they said because they wanted me to feel the Spirit.
Joel came in, too, and listened genuinely to my feelings. He has learned to do that, you know, instead of telling me how I should be feeling or giving me silly solutions. In the morning when I woke up, I found several pieces of paper outlining the things that he loves about me: Many of them were the things I was feeling down on myself for not doing well enough.
The whole experience just reminded me that what really matters is not how good I am at photography or which solo I was chosen for in the Messiah. It isn't how clean my house is or how wonderfully it is decorated. It isn't how skinny or pretty I am. It isn't how many comments are left on my blog or how many followers I have. No. What really matters is my little family, how I treat them and how I teach them.
Oh, how thankful I am for my wonderful husband and my precious daughters and for the opportunity they give me to make me a better person and to learn to focus on what's most important.
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