Bittersweet | Overstuffed Overstuffed

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Bittersweet

For three years I have been driving down to St. George every Saturday morning to teach voice lessons. While it has definitely been a blessing, I have always had a love/hate relationship with this arrangement.

I love that it pays the student loan/car payment. Definitely a good thing. We knew moving up here three years ago that I would have to have enough students to pay for those two things. I have been very blessed to get SUU and Tuacahn and I am grateful. Very grateful.

I hate that it completely ruins my Saturday. Saturdays are for getting the house in shape and family togetherness. By the time I get home, one of the two has to go. Sometimes I choose to stay home and clean my heart out and slave drive the kids, and other times we all go out to see a movie and get pizza. Either way, I'm unhappy because the house is a mess or I didn't get to spend enough quality time with the fam.

I love that I have really awesome students down there. I mean, they attend a high school for the performing arts, it goes without saying that they are insanely talented. And if they aren't, they want to be and they work really hard. It's a vocal teacher's dream. All of my seniors this year received full ride music/theatre scholarships to their first choice schools. It's cool to know that I have been a part of that.

I really hate the travel time. This year I finally arranged things so that I don't actually have to leave my house until about 9:00 am. The first year, I was leaving before 7:00 am in an effort to get back in time to get anything done at home. It didn't really happen anyway, so I figured I might as well get a bit more sleep. But yeah, driving alone is not my favorite thing to do.

So, this last week I made a very difficult decision.

I quit.

SUU finals were underway, and with the upcoming move, I knew it was for the best. We might be a little bit tight on the fundage for the next month, but Joel actually has a summer job (at Tuacahn of all places) music directing, so we'll be okay. I told my kids if they were dying for a lesson in the summer that they could call me and I could come down with Joel every once in a while.

This last Saturday in April was my final time teaching. It was really hard for me. I really love what I do, and I really love these girls. They all cried, and I cried. My one student that has been with me all three years brought me flowers and her mom even cried saying good-bye. However, I know I made the right decision. My family needs me to be more present. Heck, I need me to be more present right now. The whole working mom thing has been a huge trial for me, and I have had an especially difficult time keeping it all together this last four months.

So, really, it's a giant relief.

But, bittersweet.

33 comments :

  1. It's so hard to make those decisions. Your family will be blessed by your dedication to them. Hugs.

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  2. I am glad that you were able to make that decision but it is so hard to start a new chapter in life especially when you become so attached. You will need all of the time for your new changes in your life.

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  3. Being a working mom is just killer. I was home for 18 years and when I went back to work my youngest was in 3rd grade. Sometimes you take a financial leap of faith and all works out. Best of luck.

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  4. What a hard decision to have to make. But spending quality time with your kids is priceless. Before you know it they will all be married.

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  5. Oh, man! I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you, but I also know that righteous difficult decisions bring countless blessings, so be prepared for that... ;-)

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  6. You want every experience like this to be bittersweet. If you're truly happy to leave something or someone behind, it's usually because it was miserable. And if you're truly unhappy about it, then it's because you don't gain any benefit from it.

    I used to be a guest speaker at orientations for American families who were transferred to Puerto Rico. And the first thing I told them was, "If you leave here without shedding a tear, you probably missed something."

    A lot of changes for you this year, Lara! Change is refreshing. I'm a little envious...

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  7. Choosing the better part is usually hard, especially when you know what you are losing. I hope all goes well with you and your family. Living in the cold can be fun if you don't have to tract in it ;)

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  8. I hate making those decisions!! i made that last year with the AMbulance after we moved to St George.. I just couldnt let go but the driving 45 mins each way to work was so hard on us.. Its going to be good for you.. PLUS packing is a nightmare!! Good luck with that by the way! Take care and GOOD LUCK

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  9. It sounds like you've made the best of the situation all along, and stuck with it for as long as you can—now you need time for yourself and your family, and I'm happy you were able to make that choice! Will you be teaching in Michigan? Even if you don't have to, for financial reasons, it sounds like you're a very good teacher, and that you love it.

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  10. "Bittersweet" is the only way to describe this kind of thing.

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  11. Ah it is always hard to give up something that we love doing. It sounds like you know what you need for you and your family right now and even though it was difficult it is what's best for you.

    Good luck on your new adventure.

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  12. Your family will appreciate this!

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  13. I'm sure as you prepare for your upcoming move the time will be precious!! Enjoy and good luck!

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  14. Change is always really hard for me. Even when I'm changing from something I don't like to something I will. Something about going from familiarity (no matter how bad) to the unknown makes me really, REALLY uncomfortable and sad. Hope you're doing ok and enjoy the time you'll have with your family now!

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  15. Good, better, best? You are choosing best, and while it is hard to leave kids you have loved teaching you get an even better student now, little sophia!!

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  16. Good job for recognizing what needed to be done!!
    On my mission I was told by an elementary teacher that when we leave "something" that we have done and we cry it is because we have learned something. I am sure that you have learned and grown a lot from this experience. I love it when that happens. (Most the time)

    Oh, congratulations on the new job.

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  17. I am sure they felt like they were not only losing a great teacher, but a loyal friend as well. They have surely been blessed by your gift, and I'm sure will always remember your dedication to their talents.
    :~D

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  18. Jeff's little brother is a student at Tuacahn, I know he WAS taking voice lessons for a time. I wonder if they were from you? That does indeed sound like an incredibly tough decision, but a good one in the end. DeNae is right, bittersweet is the best way to feel about it in the end.

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  19. I'm relieved for you! I think that it's smart to remove anything that could complicate your upcoming changes any more than they already WILL be.

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  20. So cool that you have made such a great impact. My piano teacher made a HUGE impact in my life, so I'm sure those kids will remember (and thank) you for a long time.

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  21. Ugh, that kind of thing is so hard...so many emotions at one time. I'm sure you did the right thing. But I'm sorry you'll miss it ):

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  22. I don't know how you've managed to sacrifice your Saturdays for this long. You're amazing. Plus, are you sure it's been 3 years? For real?

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  23. I know what you mean about bittersweet. it's like that with a lot of my 8th graders leaving this year. Some I'm glad to see go, and others I will miss terribly, but at the same time, I'm glad the year is ending and is HAS to end or I'll die.

    And this:
    "Either way, I'm unhappy because the house is a mess or I didn't get to spend enough quality time with the fam."

    I could have written that! Talk about vicious circle, eh?!

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  24. I so feel your pain. I quit teaching last summer and it took me a YEAR to gear up. I didn't have the guts for a while, I thought I'd miss it terribly, and I just couldn't imagine how I could say goodbye to that part of my life and the students that made me so happy.

    It's so great that they all adored you, and it's so great that you could make a difference in their lives, and it's so great that you knew when to say "Enough."

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  25. It is so hard to make changes like that in our lives. It is bittersweet, like you said.

    I am sure you are going to enjoy these last few Saturdays immensely!

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  26. I so know how you feel. This is exactly how I felt when I quit teaching middle school. All those kids needed me, but my own kids needed me more.

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  27. those kinds of decissions are hard, but it sounds like you made the right one.

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  28. I just hate those kinds of decisions but come Saturday morning, you're going to be loving life!

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  29. I felt relief for you when you wrote "I quit." Hopefully that's how it is.

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  30. Kudo's to you for making that difficult decision. You will need all the time you can get to prepare your family for the move. I am glad you have one thing less hanging on your shoulders. Take Care!

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  31. The end of an era, huh. I hate ending any sort of relationship like that.

    But I know just how you feel about your Saturdays. We used to travel even more than we do now and were never home on Saturdays. We definitely had the family together time (in the car all day, which we all love) but I never had time for projects around the house or catching up on regular housework etc.

    I hope you enjoy your free Saturdays and getting ready for the move!

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  32. Moms shouldn't work outside the home. Shame on you.
    I think it's time for me to go to bed. Can you imagine how ugly my comments are gonna get. :)

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  33. It will be wonderful for you to not have to go down there anymore. I feel your pain, though. I feel their pain, too. :(

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