I have so much to talk about, yet nothing to say.
Every time I sit down to type out any of the thoughts and feelings I currently have, I feel frozen. I don't even know if there is any way to accurately portray those things through the written word, and I simply don't have the time to sit and stare at my computer screen and hope that the words start flowing. I've tried for a week, and they haven't come yet, so I assume they're just not going to.
In a nutshell, our lives right now can be summed up as confusing. I often wish I had a little more direct access to what exactly the will of the Lord is for me in my life. Like, I want an angel to come down and say, "Lara, here are your instructions. These are the choices you should make, and here's why." I don't know how well I can trust my feelings on the matter, because it is so hard to tell what is spiritual and what is self-made. I do know that I absolutely want to do the right thing, and not make a choice that the Lord won't be happy with. I also know that sometimes both choices are fine with the Lord, and it just has to be made.
Basically, we have two choices right now (sort of....one may not end up working out and solve our dilemma for us). I have really weird feelings about one of the choices. Like every time that choice has been brought up in conversation in the last month, I get inexplicably angry and I don't even want to talk about it. And the other choice is not as good in a logical sense, but I don't have strange feelings about it all. I know that the Lord often directs us in ways that don't really seem logical, so that's cool. I just don't know if I'm making the other feelings up, or if they're not even from God or what they even mean.
Besides, I probably shouldn't begin freaking out until both are a sure thing.
Have you ever had a stupor of thought? How did you know that's what it was? What about two choices where you only feel bad and weird about one of them, but about the other you just feel nothing?
How does all of this personal revelation even work?
I'm so confused.