In which I admit that falling apart is always the first item in my daily routine | Overstuffed Overstuffed

Friday, May 15, 2009

In which I admit that falling apart is always the first item in my daily routine

I have this dream of becoming that mom. You know the one. She is always calm. She has her to-do list organized and never deviates from it. Sure, she's busy, but she never gets harried or overwhelmed with all she has to do. She exercises daily, she cooks gourmet meals three times a day, plus snacks. Her home is always in perfect order. She serves on the PTA board, helps in all of her children's classrooms twice a week and still manages to handle her part-time job with finesse. And so on and so forth ad nauseum.

It's never gonna happen, people. I am not that mom. And I am starting to realize that I never will be. And that's okay. Because I am the mom that my children need most.

Except, I really wish I could keep it together just a little bit better. Today, I am particularly overwhelmed with my life. I have too many projects going on and it's always difficult to know where to start. I have a very demanding two-year old. Walking through my living room is akin to walking through a mine field. I've done the dishes so many times that I've lost track, but it doesn't seem to be making any difference. The laundry we won't even discuss. It isn't helping that this week I had the worst case of PMS I've had in a long time. The kind where every creature on this earth has offended me, and I have most definitely made it known. And cried a lot. And yelled a lot. And then, today, I have cramps that are so painful I almost threw up and I have a migraine that refuses to be touched with medication.

So, naturally, I fell apart for the twentieth time this week.

Here I thought that getting rid of voice lessons was going to make my life so much easier. What was I thinking? Because it doesn't really matter what it is--there's always something.

The something that is currently making me insane is move preparation. Moving across the country is going to kill me off. I can't even accomplish one simple daily project to prepare for the move. I'm going to look for a house in Michigan in a week and I'm freaking out about that. None of the moving companies I've called for estimates are getting back to me and I'm annoyed because I need to know right now how much everything is going to cost. Sure, we've moved smoothly from Utah to Arizona and back, but one state away totally doesn't count. Not even remotely the same.

Basically, I need to try and save falling apart for just before bedtime, so I can at least accomplish something during the day.

However, I did finish editing my brother's wedding. One big project off the plate and onto the next. If you care to see some of my favorites click here. (Just photos of bride and groom.)

40 comments :

  1. Oh, sweetie! I can't offer any words of advice, nor can I offer any physical help. However, I can send you cyber hugs and real prayers to help you through this crazy time in your life. Hugs.

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  2. Maybe you just need to take a break. When I get overwhelmed like that I just take a day off and let it go. Pull myself together, make a list (in order of importance) and go from there. I am the Queen of Overwhelmed so believe me I know! *HUGS*

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  3. Lara! I wish I could give you a big old hug!!! You poor thing. First, you need some chocolate. Fo sho. And second you need some help! I hope there is somebody you can ask to give you a hand... moving is nearly imposible to do alone.

    Hang in there! (((hugs)))

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  4. I'm glad someone else feel like they can't keep up with life. Not that I am glad you are very stressed, but it is nice to know I am not alone in trying to keep up with laundry, kids, cooking and trying to have a clean house that doesn't stay clean no matter how hard I try. It is so frustrating and feels pointless sometimes because It NEVER lasts more than a few hours.
    As far as getting set to move,I would be glad to watch Sophia for you anytime

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  5. Soldiers on a battlefield. We fight quite the battles everyday don't we. Soldiers get medals for surviving. So here is your "medal" right now (from me):

    Way to go Lara. You are an amazing women, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and teacher! A great example to me. Keep up the great work!

    Your pictures were amazing! Loved every single one! Very cute couple indeed. Man I wish we were closer and I could use you as a mentor :)

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  6. I hate that feeling of having so much you don't know where to start. Sometimes doing the smaller things first helps, because that makes you feel like you are accomplishing something. Hang in there!

    P.S. I hate THAT mom. I like real moms.

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  7. (((HUGS))) and love to you my friend!

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  8. As moms we all feel that we are inadequate at times. I know I do. Moving is a hard thing, and if people are not cooperating it makes it harder.

    It will all work though. God will see that it does. He always does. I am finding that out as I plan an event for our middle school. Things that were supposed to be handled months ago, I found out had not been done, and our event is in two weeks. All things are working out better than I could imagine, though. So I know that all will work out for you, as well.

    Keep the faith. I am sorry you are so stressed, but remember that all things work together for the good to them who love the Lord, who are the called according to his purpose.

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  9. I really needed this today, thank you very much!

    btw, dd has a video of her recital, cannon in d for your listenting pleasure if you want :)

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  10. Just so you're aware...I don't think that there is a mom out there like that. I think there are those that portray themselves that way but if you could see every part of their lives and their thoughts you would realize that the are not that mom.

    I will never be that mom either. And you are right. You are the mom that your girls need right now.

    I'm sorry you're having a rough week of PMS. I hope you get feeling better soon.

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  11. I think you need a massage!

    The pictures are gorgeous, though!

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  12. This is really a rough time for you, and I'd fall apart too. Moving to me is one of the most hellish experiences. Hang in there.

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  13. Pms is the worst. I wish for the life without it too. I don't get it.

    I wish I could come and rescue you today. I am sorry you have to feel overwhelmed. It's amazing that Pms makes 1 task seem like 30. So it just piles on your mind. And of course the where do I begin is a joke because you don't want to begin. Oh how I wish for this to pass quickly for you. Balance will come back. :)

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  14. Man, I wish we lived closer I love to pack and get things organized. Then maybe I could help ease some of your stress.
    This past week I had some serious PMS problems too. I can totally relate! Good thing it doesn't last. And good that we can put the blame somewhere. :o)
    I wish I could be *that* mom too. LOL. But ya know whoever is that way is missing out on those wonderful spontaneous moments. I love that I can just do things when I feel like it. so what if my house is totally out of control! I am living and so are you.

    You are wonderful!! And don't forget it!!

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  15. I have been there. You will get through this! You will. I know it is further from your family than you would like, but you prayed about this and you are doing the right thing for those three sweethearts! I know that you will be happy in Michigan because you guys will succeed. One step at a time, just go one step at a time. :-)

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  16. I have the same dream, although I can't imagine moving accross the country as something on my to-do list! Good luck girlie!

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  17. Oh my sweet friend Lara. "That Mom" only exists on TV and in our far-reaching imaginations, I think. I don't think anyone is meant to be that put-together. We're just meant to try our darnedest to be put-together, and it certainly sounds like you are trying your darnedest! I have the same vision, too, and it is very different from my real life's goings-on, trust me. For the record, I think you are absolutely amazing. Wonderful. Talented. Beautiful. I have complete confidence in you to get the move done and tie up all the necessary loose ends, but also know that part of any move is the parts where we fall to pieces! This from the girl who has moved 11 times since being married? I have found that almost no matter what I do to organize and prepare (which helps, don't get me wrong), something goes wrong or just doesn't happen. That's okay. The essentials will be taken care of. And note: We had to hound the moving companies, calling them back ourselves instead of waiting for their call.

    Love you!

    You can do this....we can do hard things....call me any time, please.

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  18. I. Hate. Moving. Hang in there! Get some help if you can!

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  19. Hang in there. You'll get through it. If you start to get overwhelmed, step away from it for a few minutes and take a breather. You may not feel like the super-organized, supermom, but you are for your family. We all have our talents. Some have it in organization, others in other areas. Be proud of what you've got and don't freak out about the rest. You're doing great!!

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  20. Gorgeous pictures! You are so talented! I'm sorry things are so hard right now. Moving reeks! It really does, esp across country. However, most moving companies do such a great job of packing up your stuff in the van and getting it all unloaded, it is so worth it! P.S. I don't think anyone is "that mom".

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  21. Moving would push even that mom over the edge! And we all have those screaming days. Don't feel bad.

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  22. Lara, I know how you feel! We moved from Utah to Indiana when my youngest was two months old, then from Indiana to Texas when he was 5 months old, then back to Utah form Texas when he was 15 months old!
    If you need help with anything, let me know, I am just across the street.

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  23. Oh, hang in there! You know, I'm pretty sure *that mom* doesn't actually exist. Maybe she's an urban legend or something. But even if she did, I'm so glad we have *you* instead. Because you're real, and you're you.

    You'll get through this. The move will be over and done before you even know it, and you'll be amazed at how normal your new life seems (and how far away is your old one). Take care of that migraine, y'hear?

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  24. Lar: People just LOVE you!! You are a special woman and bless so many lives. Don't worry, I'll be there to help! I told BYUTV today I need to help you move and we can't do the show then!!

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  25. Funny...I always thought of you as "that mom". You are wonderful! Hang in there. Moving cross country stinks, but it will be over and done with at some point and life will calm down and be "normal" again. Best wishes!

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  26. I just looked at the photos WOW they are great. As for being a mom your going to make it, Just one day at a time.

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  27. I so know the overwhelmed feeling! Hang in there, things will get better someday! And call your VTers!

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  28. Does that Mom you referred to exist? if she does, i don't like her. at all.

    I feel like i can barely keep it together some days & have so many projects that need finishing.

    Good luck on the cross-country move-i'm not gonna lie...it sucks.

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  29. You are right- there IS always something. Best of luck in your new life. Anxious to get your updates.

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  30. I wish I could be there to help you. I know and understand how you are feeling. I have been there. The PMS thing really sucks and it doesn't help anything when you have so much to do. Just take a deep breath, you can only do so much each day. It will all get done. You are a terrfic woman! Good Luck with everything. I will be thinking of you.

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  31. OK, I actually do have some advice, because apparently I have an opinion on EVERYTHING.

    Get some big, clear Rubbermaid bins. And start putting things in them you know you won't use for a while. Winter clothes, for example. That's actually a one-day job. And when you're done, be done.

    On another day, pack up AND CLOSE one bathroom. Potty use only. No baths, nothing. Then be done.

    Do that again until you're down to one bathroom.

    You have to declare yourself 100% OFF LIMITS between now and your move. You don't sub in primary, you don't accept a new calling, you don't help prepare any musical numbers. You don't volunteer for any PTA projects, you don't host the book club. These things are the little, tiny holes at the bottom of your well that leak your reserves without your even knowing it, and you're going to need them for your kids over the next few months.

    What you absolutely do NOT want to do is arrive in Michigan exhausted. That's an entirely NEW challenge, and it will take a rested, sane YOU to weather it.

    I'm coming at you with the voice of experience, darling Lara. If you don't pace yourself you'll be undone at the one time your family needs you the most.

    You can DO this!! I'm sending up a prayer for you!

    (and say the word, and it's road trip for me. I can pack a rubbermaid bin with the BEST of 'em!)

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  32. Hey, I know Christian googled "budget rental coupons" or something like that and found a 15% (or it might have been 20%) off coupon he could use toward our move. I know from Iowa here it would have cost $1250, but we only paid $1000.

    Can I watch your kids? I know my boys would love to play with your girls. Let me know what I can do to help.

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  33. Lara, we are sisters separated at birth. Oh, except I'm older than you. But seriously, I so so so get all of this, except the migraine. And we just decided to move, so we're trying to get our house on the market and I'm going slowly (or quickly) i n s a n e.

    I just always tell myself...one foot in front of the other, over and over and over again. That's all I can do for now.

    Good luck! You can do it! And the PMS monster will leave you shortly, not to return for another month.

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  34. Like what others have already told you, hang in there... Moving across to Michigan? Wow!

    Anyway, just know that like everything else in life, big projects have its starts and ends. It would seem though that if you can get the migraine and cramps situated you'd be able to focus better. Life does not make it easy and just FYI, if you've met the mom that practically walks on water with her "perfection" give me her number, I'll take notes!

    Hugs, Carolyn

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  35. We used ABF U-pack when we moved to Pennsylvania. I checked into so many options,and at the time they were the cheapest.
    I actually heard about them on a news story comparing the costs of moving companies. If I remember correctly they said the longer the move the more economical U-pack becomes. I think it was about the same price as renting a U-haul truck, but we didn't have to pay for gas so we save a ton. It also frees you up to enjoy the road trip together or just fly (and then you save the cost of hotels and food while on the road.)

    Good luck, and you can do it. I'm regularly amazed by everything that you get done everyday, and the imperfections are what make it interesting to read. I can totally relate to the piles of dishes and explosions and headaches. Knowing that someone else is in the same boat is encouraging :)I hope you're feeling better.

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  36. Just try to hang in there. I know how hard it is, but it will all work out. It is amazing how when we are going through it there seems no way to get through it but when it is over with we see that it really did work out and for the best.

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  37. I'm sorry it's so stressful. I know you'll get through it though. :)

    Love the photos, and your new photography blog header is very cute!

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  38. There is no "that" mom. Every mom is the exact same way. I seriously feel like I spend the entire day falling apart. Dustin will walk into the kitchen and there I'll be hiding in the corner sobbing!

    Good luck with everything on your plate.

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  39. Moving is so hard!! And it's true that THAT mother just doesn't exist. Even if we really really want her to exist...as US...in our lives! I totally get it, but I hope that things are calming down and you're finding peace in it all!

    Hang in there. You're an amazing mom, I just know it!

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  40. You couldn't have said it more perfectly! Does "that mom" really exist though? I like to tell myself that she doesn't. :) I struggle with the expectations I put on myself daily as a mom!

    Question for you...do you print your blog into a bound book? If so, who do you use?

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