But, alas, I was wrong.
Very, very wrong. This last month has been the busiest I've ever had since that one time when I was in college and took 21 credits in one semester, was in the opera, worked 30 hours a week and still tried to have some semblance of a social life but had a nervous breakdown instead.
Now, there are some things I can't say no to, like my church calling.That's a no-brainer. I also can't say no to voice lessons. I can't just stop teaching them, that is. I will work on starting a waiting list instead of just accepting every person who wants lesson. I can't say no to my children's activities, and believe it or not, they really don't have that many. Violin and piano and girl scouts for the big girls and preschool for Sophia. But, when you add in homework and practicing, it's a lot. They want to do dance lessons, but I said no. I can't. I will blow up.
Wait, what? I can say no! But it probably doesn't count when it's only to my own kids. Shoot.
I've decided that my problem lies in the fact that on paper, all of the things I have to do don't really look like much. I'm very visual, and when I write it down it looks like I can do all the things I write in my planner. The hours say that I can do them. But I never think to factor in how long it takes me every week just to stay on top of (or at least in the middle of) laundry and dishes. I don't ever think about driving time, and the fact that ending my lessons at 3:15 at the university, getting the big girls at the bus by 3:25 and getting Sophia at the preschool at 3:30 simply does not work and I am late to everything. Oh how I hate being late! I don't think about how long it takes to do grocery shopping. I don't realize how long my lesson planning takes. My church calling? Now that it's Primary, it's a lot bigger than YW was. Lots more time. Preschool board is way more than a once a month meeting and a few e-mails sent like I assumed it would be.
The fact is, Motherhood is a full time job, and anything above and beyond that is overwhelming.
I have a ton on my plate right now, and I don't really see a way out of any of it. Some of it will end in the near future, and some of it won't. But what I do know is that I can't handle one more thing or I will probably die. I'm already not really living.
So, please don't be mad at me if you need my help and I have to say no. I am taking a stand. I am going to be the girl who knows when to say no, who has some boundaries and guards what little time she has with ferocity. It isn't personal, but it is necessary.