I really can't call it baby weight anymore. Sophia is nearing five years old, after all. Not to mention the fact that I have since lost (and regained) the "baby" weight so many times that I would weigh around 90 pounds if it weren't for that little part about regaining it.
No, this weight is all mine. I can't blame it on my children. Nor can I blame it on my husband (much as I would like to). Just because he's a fabulous cook and makes the world's best mint brownies doesn't mean I have to eat the whole pan when he makes them. Nobody is holding a gun to my head forcing me to eat my weight in desserts at every single holiday.
I have made these decisions. Me.
And now I am choosing to be healthy, and let me tell you it isn't easy.
In fact, it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. And that's just the way it goes. The things that are hard to do are the ones that bring us the most happiness and self-worth in the long run. The easy way actually makes life harder, once you look past the moment and realize the consequences of the easy choices.
I have always given up dieting and exercising after being mildly successful. After hitting a plateau, or getting bored, or deciding that I'd rather sit around eating crap when I could be at the gym or, at the very least, eating vegetables instead of, well, crap. And once I give up, all the weight I lost comes right back on in a matter of minutes.
The thing is, part of my giving up is whining about how hard it is, and how if I just didn't have PCOS or thyroid issues, or if I just had more time to make myself healthy food and to exercise, or if my metabolism and genetics were just thinner then I would be successful.
Well that's crap, too.
PCOS and thyroid may make it slightly more difficult to lose weight, but they certainly never made me eat a brownie instead of broccoli. Having a busy schedule may make it hard to eat right and exercise, but I have sure found time for other things in my overscheduled life that aren't necessary. My metabolism and my genetics? Bah, humbug. Just more excuses.
I have been obsessed with The Biggest Loser this season. I've never watched it before, as I'm not much of a TV watcher, but it has been so inspiring. Olivia Ward is my new hero. I really identified with her. Not only is she an opera singer, but she has PCOS and she is my exact same height. I watched her do things she never thought she could do--things I still don't think I can do--every week. And in the finale, when she got on that scale and the number was right around what I weighed when I got married, it brought me to tears. She did this, and she had much more weight to lose than I do.
I can do this, too. I have been doing it. I've lost 15 pounds since April. But I have been teetering on that precipice of giving up because it's too hard to lose the other 40. So I'm writing this to remind myself.
I CAN DO HARD THINGS.