I have a lot on my plate (so what else is new?).
Sometimes I am running on empty. Right now is definitely one of those times. I give so much time and energy to my family, my job, my church calling, and the rest of my many responsibilities that I simply forget to give time and energy to ME.
And then I feel like I have nothing more to give others. You can't pour from an empty cup, after all. Getting up in the morning to go to work and expend tremendous energy teaching others becomes arduous. Coming home from work to find more work waiting for me is dreaded (really, why are dishes and laundry so omnipresent?). Carting my children around to their various activities, serving in the church, singing for various concerts, and the million and one other things that are expected of me no longer bring much joy.
When I start to mindlessly spend time on the internet when I have free time instead of doing something that truly fills me, I know something is wrong. When I haven't cracked open a book in longer than I can remember, something is wrong.
And judging from last month's unread book club book and the excessive amount of pinning I've been doing lately, something is very wrong.
I simply have no more to give. Not even to myself.
I was discussing this with my husband a few weeks ago and when he asked me what would make me happy the only answer I could really come up with was sleep. Sleeping would make me really happy. Staying in bed as long as I wanted to with absolutely nothing required of me feels kind of like true bliss.
But of course it's only because I'm so tired. And empty.
Joel prodded me to think of something else--anything else--and I couldn't. Bless him. He wants me to be happy and will be supportive of anything I come up with even if I tell him I need to go to Chicago for a weekend with a girlfriend. And he's a great example, too. His life is just as full as mine and we are both guilty of staying up late into the night just to finish things. For me it's Halloween costumes and dishes, for him it's grading papers and planning lectures. It's not been an easy semester for him, and yet he still finds time to golf. He even went golfing yesterday for a few hours. On Halloween! In the rain! And he had a blast and relieved a lot of his own stress from work and came home happy and filled and ready to carve pumpkins with the girls and then take them Trick-or-Treating. In the rain.
I've thought a lot about that conversation I had with Joel, and I have decided that it's time to take time for myself. I've been drawn again to blogging this last little while, and I think that's my answer. One of the things I'm really missing in my life is the time to be introspective. I truly need that time to be still and get in touch with my own thoughts and feelings. I also need time to be creative and to make my life and surroundings beautiful. My blog can give me these things.
So, I did something a little insane and I signed up for NaBloPoMo. I've tried before and failed miserably, but I've missed this little blog and the way it feeds me, so I'm giving it another go.
This little blog has pulled me out of the blues before, and I'm counting on it to do it again.