Friday, July 15, 2005

Hard day.

The last couple days have been really hard. Sometimes I just really hate my is a little more than I can handle and I don't feel equipped. Don't get me wrong, though. I always feel the help of the Lord and I know I would have already given up a long time ago if it weren't for that help.

In this capacity, I see sides of people's lives that nobody else has the opportunity to see. I know things about people's marriages that I would rather not know. My eyes have been opened to the poverty, both temporal and spiritual, that people experience. I see many people at their very lowest moments. I am here to help them and in so doing it is just a natural byproduct to see their lives in such detail.

Last night I saw something that I hope I will never have to see again. I can't stop thinking about it. It has probably been the biggest challenge I have faced yet as RS President. I have had 2 sisters tell me they were going to commit suicide, I have seen more divorces and separations than I ever thought possible, I have dealt with a sister who cuts herself, I have seen medical issues and trials of health, I have had people yell at me over the phone to tell me I should be released because I am not "doing what my Heavenly Father wants me to do, " I have had a sister be arrested....but until yesterday I have never had to deal with death.

While I was at swimming lessons I got a phone call from Bishop to call him immediately because a family in the ward had lost their daughter. I called him back and found out that the police had called Bishop and needed him to come with them to notify the parents of their daughter's death. Apparently she had been staying with her grandparents and the grandmother left her in the car. We live in Arizona and that poor little girl had no chance. Bishop said he would go with the police and then would call me over.

When I arrived, this sister had known for less than an hour that she would never again see her daughter on this earth. Devastated is an understatement. The paramedics were treating her for hyperventilation and she was throwing up. She is 33 weeks pregnant now and there are deep concerns that this emotional trauma will cause that baby to come early. I honestly did not know what I could do, or even what I should do. What do you do in this situation? I finally just went and held her for a good fifteen minutes and just cried with her. I can't do you deal with this? How do you find it in your heart to forgive the person you trusted with your child? How could this happen?

It is just hard for me to have the responsibility to be the one to see this poor mommy right then. We all hear of people who are affected by death somehow...sometimes it even happens to our friends or neighbors. But to be there while the police were still there monitoring the see the raw emotion....that is something I don't think I will ever be able to forget. We usually see these people when they are a bit more put together and have had time to process the situation. Not that it is easier, but they are ready to face the world.

Man...we just never know when something is going to happen. I came home and just hugged my girls and I didn't want to let them go. Ever.

Today I have felt guilty for being happy and having so much. I am truly blessed. But how can I be so happy when others are suffering so much? I know the answer, so you don't have to tell me...but I have felt a little humbled that my problems are relatively small when I consider what other people have to deal with. In fact...they are miniscule.
Lara Neves
Lara Neves

Lara is mom to three daughters—two teens and a tween. She loves to share her parenting and homemaking triumphs and failures here at Overstuffed! She was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2015 and has been fighting it ever since. When she isn't working on her mother of the year award, you can find her reading, singing, or taking photos.


  1. Sometimes when babies die at work, or moms I have to take a moment and stare at my sleeping children (this is one time I'm grateful I come home after they sleep) and just enjoy what God has given me. I have no idea when some are so lucky and some aren't. Good luck RS president, glad it ain't me!!!

  2. Sheesh! Lara!
    Holy Heck!
    My thought is this:
    Heavenly Father knew this would happen and that YOU would need to the RS pres when it did.

    That should blow your mind on so many levels...

  3. Lara,
    Did you find out why the child was left in the car? And for how long? Was the grandmother the mom or the mom-in-law? Is the mother married? Did you speak to her husband?

  4. I was at 2 Peas and noticed the link to your blog. Just thought I'd read it. Little did I know what a pivotal entry I would happen upon. Just wanted to let you know that your words have made me much more thankful for the realitively small problems in my life. Please know that you are special and I am sure Heavenly Father is proud that you have accepted the calling of RS President. You are obviously doing an excellent job and I am sure the family involved has found your support extremely helpful. Thanks for sharing. Lori

  5. wow. i was just like the top poster Lara. I've never read your blog before and just happened to click on your link. Your entry had me in tears. Seriously tears. Death scares me like no other...not me, just losing someone very close to me. My prayers are with the family and with your heart, cause I know it took a beating after this one. I know mine would have as well. There was a reason you were there. You might never know why...but there was a reason. Bless you...

  6. i am so moved by your entry - you must be a truly amazing person -one with incredible strength, sense of purpose, and a loving heart. i know for certain that is why Heavenly Father has called you to be an instrument in his hands at this time. I am in awe of all those women called to serve as RS president. I know in my heart you will be truly blessed for your service. My prayers go out to you and the families you serve.

  7. omg. huge hugs. so glad you were there for her.

  8. I must comment on a previous comment, Yes, she is amazing, she is mine. She was always been amazing, from the time she was born. Very special, very sweet, very kind, very wise. And I LOVE her, she is my daughter. She has seen things that are very difficult at such a young age. The Lord needs you Lara. You have a great mission to do here on earth. Aaahhhhh!! Bishop Monson said to me just yesterday, "you are so blessed by a wonderful family! " I sure know it. I want my problems nobody else's. But then on the other hand, we are to be tried "in all things" Love you, Mom

  9. I know how hard it is to be a RS president. The one thing I figured out is even when you are doing what you know is right some people won't agree. Look at the Savior. He was and is PERFECT but some people took offense. It is there if you want to find it.

    I can't imagine comforting a mom who had just lost her daughter. It would be so hard. I have dealt with death in my family before. The only thing that helped me was just having people say they love me and were there for me. I hated comments like "You will see them again." or "You should be happy that they are happy now". I know people mean well but avoid those comments. I will always be grateful for my friends who didn't ask what they could do but just did it. I know you will be blessed in your calling. Don't hesitate to lean on your counselors too. That is what they are there for. You can't do it all. And when all is said and done one day you will be released as a RS president but never as a wife or mom. That one hit me really hard recently.

  10. wow....words escape me, but i admire your strength (which you have, and it's obvious to me).
    you sound like the kind of RS president everyone would love to have. :)

  11. Wow, God bless you for all that you do for these people. I can't imagine that mother's heartache. Thank you for posting about it though, as we all need reminding of how quickly we could lose all that is important to us.


  12. Hi Lara,

    I seen you around on 2ps and have greatly appreciated your comments on my LOs. I had no idea you were LDS too. I dont mean to lighten the subject though.

    Words completley escape me! What a strong and wonderful person you must be to be called at this time. I am so grateful to know that our loving Heavenly Father has provided a way for us to see our families again, but it still does not take away the unbearable pain of losing someone. I cannot fathom it. It truely breaks my heart. I am sending all my hugs and concerns your way and I will keep you and that sweet sister and her family in my prayers.

    A Friend,

  13. Lara~

    This is my first visit to your blog. I remembered your name and seeing you on a Shuttle to the hotel at CHA.

    As someone who has been through the unspeakable and had to go through that horrid realization that your child is gone can I just assure you that you could not have made a better choice. Just hugging her and sitting with her is the best thing you could have done! There is no right thing to say. There is no words that can ease one's pain. Just the company alone is helpful. It grounds you. Without knowing you were a life preserver in that moment.

  14. Oh man, this makes me cry. I'm so sorry for your involvement in such things, but I know you would not be there, if the Lord didn't think you were strong enough... I'll be praying for you, and the family as well...

  15. Lara,
    You are really amazing! I am always thinking about you and how much you do! You are a wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, teacher and relief society president!! I don't know how you have time for anything!!!
    You amaze me at how much you can handle life with all you do!
    I am sorry it is hard, but I know that the Lord has YOU to help all these sisters and families in your ward! Love ya