Friday, January 27, 2006

Life really is fair, when you think about it...

Warning: This is essentially becoming a blog about being pregnant. I typically blog about whatever is on my mind, and, well, I'm thinking an awful lot about pregnancy, so bear with me...maybe it won't last the entire pregnancy...but maybe it will!

When I was pregnant with Bria, I ran around screaming "unfair" an awful lot. Many of my friends were pregnant at the same time, and as I watched them and their (what seemed to me) EASY pregnancies, I was jealous. Very, very jealous. It was maddening to me to wonder all the time why I had to feel so awful for the whole time and barely come out of my house, much less function normally while they exercised, socialized and EVEN KEPT THEIR HOUSES CLEAN. Amazing. Did I mention I was jealous?

Well, I learned a little something when my first friend had her baby. She suddenly had a horrible case of toxemia and almost died. Then I had my baby 2 weeks later. I was blessed with 2.5 hours of hard labor (yes, she was my first child) and only 15 minutes of pushing. I also was lucky enough to have the easiest baby around....she rarely cried, she was a champion breastfeeder, a great sleeper and just plain angelic. Then, another friend had her baby. Even though she was back to pre pregnancy clothes before she even left the hospital, she had a long, hard labor and her baby was so colicky we could hear him screaming throughout the apartment complex often. I started to think that maybe we're all tried in pregnancy and childbirth somehow. To some women, it might be a terrible trial to never lose all the pregnancy weight that was gained. To others, they may have difficult labors or have to deal with pre-term labor. To others their trial might be sciatica or other common pregnancy ailments that are, nonetheless, difficult to deal with. To yet others, the trials of childbearing may not rear their ugly heads until the baby is a teenager, but they will have some sort of sacrifice in having their children. I soon found myself thinking "I sure wouldn't want to be her...I'll take my angel baby and horrific pregnancy over the colic anyday!"

Did I just admit that I would rather suffer from hyperemesis than have a colicky baby? Yes. I think that all in all we all have our difficulties and I've stopped screaming "unfair" with my subsequent pregnancies, even though I often wish that I could just have a 36 hour labor instead....wouldn't 36 hours of pain be better than 9 months of nausea and vomiting? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I should just be happy with what I have been given.

And I think life is just that way. We should never look at others and complain how unfair it is that they are such and such and we are not. We simply do not know what it is that they might be currently dealing with, have previously dealt with or will have to deal with at some point. We need to content ourselves with bearing the load we have been given. That's all. Life may not seem fair, but really, when it comes down to it, it is.
Lara Neves
Lara Neves

Lara is mom to three daughters—two teens and a tween. She loves to share her parenting and homemaking triumphs and failures here at Overstuffed! She was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2015 and has been fighting it ever since. When she isn't working on her mother of the year award, you can find her reading, singing, or taking photos.


  1. I learned the same thing when I was pregnant with my daughter. I had a really hard pregnancy, but she's pretty much been an angel since. A co-worker ha d a baby a couple of months after I did and that child was really sick. I felt so bad about my own healthy baby until a friend reminded me that I had already done my time. Everyone faces trials. Just because they come in different forms and at different times than ours doesn't mean they don't have them. Now I know what I faced was nothing in comparison to many, many parents.

  2. I do believe I stopped thinking anything was unfair when you see couples who have tried with invitro for months come in and have a still-birth. Life ain't fair and I'm sure it's more fun to count our blessings, rather then fine the un-fairnesses. :)

  3. What you said is so true, we never know what is going on in other people's lives, we just need to see the blessings in ours :)