Friday, September 12, 2008

Phewsh! I feel so much better now!

I was reading a magazine article the other day entitled "Top 5 Mom Myths," and I have to say, it really did make me feel like a better mother. Normally, I'm constantly beating myself up over every little thing I do wrong. It was nice to see an article in a national magazine addressing the issues I am continually freaking out about. Obviously, it means I'm not alone.

So, do you want to know what those top 5 myths of motherhood are? I will tell you, and I will add commentary from my own experience, too (aren't you lucky!).

Myth 1.

A good mom likes her children all the time.

I always feel extremely guilty when I have hard/bad/negative feelings towards one of my children. Just the other day I was pretty frustrated at Chloe for refusing to mind me when I asked her to do the simple task of shutting the front door, and I was having major guilt because of the way I was feeling towards her. The key word here is like. I will always love my kids, no question. I just will not like them every moment of every day.

And that is normal. And it is okay. As long as you don't take the dislike out on your kids in harmful ways, that is. The feelings themselves are normal.

Myth 2.

A good mom bonds with her children immediately.

I have experienced different levels of bonding with all three of my children. With one of them, there was an immediate bond, another came fairly quickly, and the other took some time. It doesn't make the first one my favorite child or anything. There are lots of circumstances that can cause these differences. I can say now that I am bonded with each of my children...but in different ways. They are each different, I shouldn't expect my experiences with each child to be exactly the same.

Myth 3.

A good mom balances it all.

Ummmm....if you're reading my blog, you're pretty much perfectly aware of my inability to keep perfect balance in my life. Not to mention that I try to do way too much and often fail miserably.

Myth 4.

A good mom spends a lot of time with her kids--and they like her because of it.

Do you ever feel sad because your kids don't want to spend time with you? I do. I have some grand idea (mythical, apparently) that my kids should love being with me every second, and I should plan wonderful activities and fun things for us to do. Well, guess what? They like that stuff to an extent, but they get sick of me, too. It's good to have time apart. And it's okay if your kids need time away from you, too.

Myth 5.

A good mom belongs to one big, supportive Moms Club.

I didn't get this one at first, but basically, the article tells us that we all make different parenting decisions. And sometimes other moms are openly not supportive of your choices. I have experienced this in a very tame way...just lively conversation about dietary choices or vaccinations or whether or not to home school or sleep training methods (if you must know, I co-sleep with my kids for a while, and then I do cry it out when they're around 10 months old) . I think it's good to be passionate about your own choices, but make sure that you don't put blinders on and refuse to consider that another person and their different choice is probably just fine, too.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this article (it's in the October edition of Woman's Day, which I bought because the cover promised to give me 21 shortcuts to a clean house, a way to instantly lose ten pounds and tips on saving thousands of dollars. Oh, and there were some cute Halloween crafts to do. That's the real reason I bought it). It really did make me feel better about my mothering skills, even though I will still be spending the rest of my life agonizing over whether or not I'm good enough.
Lara Neves
Lara Neves

Lara is mom to three daughters—two teens and a tween. She loves to share her parenting and homemaking triumphs and failures here at Overstuffed! She was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2015 and has been fighting it ever since. When she isn't working on her mother of the year award, you can find her reading, singing, or taking photos.


  1. These are so true. I wish my kids liked me all the time but I guess if we are good moms they probably won't. I really enjoyed this.

  2. My oldest is almost 17 and I still wonder if I'm being a good mom but he and Kaitlyn both reassure me all the time that I'm perfect just the way I am...(I guess I'm biased when I say I have wonderful kids). They even said that I get the "cool" mom award with their friends so I must be doing something right...LOL!! And I do agree with you on the "like" thing...I always love my children but may not always like what they do at the moment, but I'm sure that goes both ways and also applies to us "grown-ups".

  3. I identify with everything you said. I need a constant reminder that I don't have to be the "perfect" mom, I just need to be the mom who loves them and is trying.

    Hey, I want 21 tips to a cleaner house and Halloween craft ideas! Send them our way!

  4. Lara, I love those 5 myths, and they still are in force! How to live with your children and like them,lol!!

  5. Why is it that there's always such a huge societal pressure for MOMS to be perfect? Why don't we see any articles titled "Are you a good FATHER?" Is it just that men don't have those anxieties (or don't show them), or is it that we're programmed by society not to think of that angle? I suspect it's the latter.

    I think everybody worries about whether they're up to snuff, especially when it comes to their children. But you're a good person and a good mom, and your girls are happy, bright, normal, well-adjusted kids. I think that's a huge accomplishment, Lara! So I hope that article encouraged you to give yourself a huge pat on the back.

  6. Good points. It's nice to hear a magazine is having accurate stuff. I usually can't relate to most of the points they have in things.

  7. So did it? Did the magazine give you 21 shortcuts to a clean house, a way to instantly lose ten pounds and tips on saving thousands of dollars? :) I'm glad to hear too that a mainstream magazine is addressing the truth! :) And for the record--I think you're a wonderful mom.

  8. I personally think you're super mom already, so there you go. I'm glad to know that feeling inadequate as a mom is normal.

  9. I'm always saying this to my husband:
    I love you, but I don't like you very much right now.

  10. It's nice to read this kind of stuff, but I still feel totally guilty that I haven't found the magic pill to be super mom! Maybe one of these days (probably when my kids are out of the house) I'll figure out the secret...ha!

    Anyway, consider yourself tagged. Thought this was kind of fun:

    Kristy, Consider yourself tagged. This was a fun one to do:

    Rules are:

    1. Link the person who tagged you.
    2. Post the rules on your blog.
    3. Write 6 random things about yourself.
    4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them.
    5. Let the person know you tagged them on their blog.
    6. Let the tagger know when you've posted.

  11. Thanks for sharing those! This has been one of those weeks when every single myth had me guilt ridden. It's nice to let go.

    Happy Friday Movie Night!